Sucked Off |work| — My Swimming Trunks Have Been

If you are reading this because you just typed that exact phrase into Google, panicking, take a deep breath. You are not alone. Welcome to the most specific, terrifying, and strangely hilarious club on the internet. Here is everything you need to know about how this happens, how to survive the extraction, and how to reclaim your dignity. First, let’s clear up a misconception. The pool is not sentient (probably). Your swimming trunks have not been “sucked off” by a ghost. What you have encountered is a perfect storm of hydrodynamics, loose elastic, and industrial-grade filtration.

Now go buy a new pair of trunks. Tie them tight. And for the love of all that is holy, stay away from the filter drain. Have your own “swimming trunks sucked off” story? Share it in the comments below. Let’s suffer together. My Swimming Trunks Have Been Sucked Off

Let me paint you a picture. It is 3:00 PM on a sweltering Saturday in July. The smell of chlorine and coconut sunscreen hangs heavy in the air. A 12-year-old boy does a cannonball to my left. A dad in wraparound sunglasses is grilling burgers that smell suspiciously like charcoal lighter fluid. And me? I am standing waist-deep in the deep end, staring at the ominous, metal grille of a pool filter return jet. If you are reading this because you just